Sky Pride

”Why you imp! Ask yourself, do I even need shoes? Can my feet be any cleaner or more comfortable than to be bathed by all this warm, sudsy water? Meanwhile, you are running around miserable in your soaking shoes! Me a fake diviner? Why then you must be a fake cultivator! Some kind of immortal you are, Bleh, bleh!”

A long, pointy spike of hair, a little wilted from the steam, tilted backwards as a hodgepodge face looked heavenward for mercy. ”Oh, when will I meet the person who has forgotten how to speak? They are the person I really want to talk to.”

”Ah! Itʼs Auntie Shu!”

”Iʼm twenty, you brat!”

”Sounds middle aged to me, Auntie!” The impish golden-eyed child laughed and ran off when she took a swipe at his head. When she turned back to the aptly named Outspread Discombobulated, she found him nodding at her.

”So, what brings a middle aged auntie like yourself to the laundry? I have to warn you, doing the laundry and washing up is not a job just anyone can do. Donʼt expect me to get you in the back door just because of our old acquaintance!”

”Iʼm starting to wonder why I came myself.” Shu didnʼt know whether to laugh or cry. It was always this way with Outspread and his mysterious charges. He seemed busy, without ever actually doing much beyond turning up promptly for meals. And yet, despite being manifestly useless, he was remarkably easy company. She had met him once by accident, and ever since, she found her way to the laundry when she was miserable.

”Maybe it was for the steam. Very good for the lungs, steam.”

”My lungs are fine, thank you.”

”No they arenʼt. You look like you are choking.”

The image of Sectmaster Peng choking to death flashed in front of her eyes. She snapped ”I am not choking! Fool!”

Outspread shook his head. ”You are definitely choking. If you were breathing properly, you would have your shoes off.”

The sudden delivery of such high grade nonsense knocked the memory clean out of Shuʼs head. ”What?”

”Your shoes. The true men, and I suppose the true women, of the old days all breathed from their heels. The others, this sad, modern generation, all breathe from the gullet. Getting all choked up as arguments and useless thoughts come vomiting up. Canʼt breathe through vomit. Must breathe through the heels. Thatʼs what you call medicine.” He nodded very wisely.

”Maybe I need some. Iʼm suddenly feeling a bit dizzy.” Shu shook her head.

”See, this is what I mean. The true men of old, and I suppose the true women too, all slept deeply without dreaming and woke without worries. They ate simple meals, took things as they came, and treated death like life- something they didnʼt ask for, but could still lightly accept. Meanwhile, you are stuck trying to breathe from a gullet clogged with too much nonsense.”

Discombobulated made an expression and a posture that, possibly, maybe, was intended to be preening. ”Unlike me, who gets by eating soft rice. I sleep very well, and breathe very easily.”

”Hah. Itʼs not so easy.”

”Itʼs very easy.”

”The world is a war zone, Old Discombobulated. Everywhere is hell, the Mountain is sealed away, and now Iʼm a… Iʼm… someone who doesnʼt know who she is or what the hell to do with myself!”

Outspread shook his head, fortunately not putting anyoneʼs eye out with his spike of hair.

”Too much useless thinking, too many words, not enough meaning. Listen, I will say it very plain.”

He leaned in, then frowned, dragged over a wash basin, turned it over, stood on it, then leaned in again, managing to come face to clavicle with Shu. He raised an instructive finger. ”A fish is born in water. A man, and I assume women too, probably, are born in the dao. Fish find the shady parts of ponds, the bits under ledges and rocks, and everything they need is there. You can tell it is, because the slippery bastards are always hanging out there, not moving around.”

The instructive finger started wagging reprovingly, giving her shoulder a real telling off. ”Therefore, all a man, and potentially, maybe, a woman, needs to do is immerse themselves in the dao. Find a shady spot and donʼt move around. Donʼt send your thoughts racing around uselessly, donʼt worry about taking action or making plans, just let the currents flow past you as you remain safe and comfortable in your shady spot.”

Shu couldnʼt stop the giggles building up and escaping from her. ”All a fish needs is to get lost in the water, and all a woman needs is to get lost in the dao, is that it?”