His Captive Girl

Alicia

I woke up and saw that there was no one around me. I was on the sofa. I remembered I fell asleep after talking to Asher.

I was quite sad and quite happy. Sad because I wasn’t exactly sure what was on his mind, and happy because I guess, he realised his mistake. Sad also because I don’t know the sudden change in Alistair.

Oh hell. I am getting married to Asher and still thinking about Alistair.

I wish I could have a way to know what happened to Alistair. Why did he go like that? He said he loved me. He asked me to not doubt it. Yeah I am not doubting it. But tell me the reason, Alistair, letting you go like this is killing me…

I know how wrong it was to think about Alistair right now. But it seemed as if without him, this all would not be so good. I mean, I… I love him and…. I mean, I don’t know what I feel anymore.

I love Alistair. What I feel for him is different and magical. However, Asher… he… he made me feel good too.

How does one know if it is love or infatuation? I don’t know but I wanna know who I really love!

But I do know one thing. I hated Asher when he told me he was gonna hurt me. I never hated Alistair even after his yelling and all the arguments we had. Does that make any sense, that I think Alistair means more to me?

I don’t know how wrong it is to think this! But I have this feeling inside of me that this isn’t right. Whatever is happening.

I know what I think. And I feel so bad about it.

I think that I used… Asher to get over Alistair. I don’t wanna admit it. I don’t know for sure either but I think I did it. I used him.

I shrugged my thoughts. Whatever the case was, I am not gonna think over that. I am marrying him. And if I don’t love him, then I have to fall for him no matter what. Because, I know he is the only one who is gonna be in my life forever. I mean, I would love to be with Alistair but he can’t be with me, for reasons unknown! So I can just take what I can get…

It is not like I don’t like him at all, I of course do, but I think that it is not love and I know that I can’t make myself love someone like this but I don’t see a way.

I know I should cancel the wedding but what if he gets angry and changes his mind again?

So I guess I will just have to do what he says pretending like I wanna do it.

It is worse.

I went here and there to look for him but then my phone rang. I picked it up.

“Hello?”

“Hey Alicia. It’s me” I heard Asher’s voice.

“Asher?”

“Yeah”

“Where are you?”

“I went to confirm all the arrangements are done”

“Oh” I sighed. He looks excited. I don’t know what is inside his mind, but I know that if he is lying, then I am dead. I will be in his hell and I will literally be treated so badly because he looks like that type who can go to any limits.

And if he is telling the truth, I feel bad for him. Because I am not sure if I really love him. Because when we don’t love someone, there is a risk that one day we would stop liking them at all.

I knew both the ways, this was completely wrong and I should stop. I should search for a reason to at least postpone the marriage and figure out my feelings. But there seemed to be no way.

“Hello!!!”

I came back to my reality with his almost-yelling voice. Oh Shit, I got lost in my thoughts again. Nowadays this happens a lot!

“Oh sorry”

“Where are you lost? Is everything fine?”

“Yeah it is” I sighed. I can’t do anything now, I should just go with the flow I think.

“Okay”

“Hmm”

“So, I am gonna return in a few minutes”

“I am waiting”

“You seem off… is something wrong?”

Uh. Why is he caring so much? He should be rude like before so that I can easily walk away if I want to!

I have noticed this! Most people act so good when we have to say something that would hurt them.

And I know that makes exactly no sense because they don’t know that they’re gonna be hurt.

“Nothing happened, Asher” I fake laughed. “You are worrying for nothing”

“I know something’s off. We’ll deal with it after I come, okay?”

“Huh, it is nothing”

“We’ll see, baby. Bye for now”

I blushed. “B-bye”

The call ended. Oh he is acting like a complete angel right now. Oh these boys really are out of our understanding.

He is talking to me so sweetly and he just made me more confused about what I want. Should I really go fight for what I think I want or maybe I would just fall for him.

Oh God, I need your help!